You’re Addicted Too

In twenty days, Third degree Theatre will open their production of “Addicted.” As it gets closer, I am reminded of my own mortality.

I know, BIG statement right?

It’s true. I embarked on my passion for the theatre some time ago now. Acting was how I found my way to it. I remember the community of a production and the magic of everyone working towards a common goal. The creativity and camaraderie of the process fed two of my deepest desires; I desired to be “part of” and to positively impact the world I live in.

In those moments before I stepped out on stage for opening night, the mess of emotion and nerves, the fear and excitement, all balled up inside me and I was sure that failure was imminent. I knew that I couldn’t pull it off, that I would disappoint and the audience would surely see through me and hate my work. As it all churned in my stomach, I had but one solution… fifteen minutes before my que, I walked out the stage door to the open air of the parking lot, and I puked.

I’m addicted to theatre. It has been progressive. I sacrifice so much to continue to explore the world, and all of you in it, through an art form that constantly forces me to bear my soul live and unplugged without a safety net.

It may not be attractive, but it is the truth.

I asked for help from something quicker and slicker and ultimately more powerful than I, and walked back in. Even as I stood in the wings I knew I was going to be a train wreck on stage. Stomach a little calmer now, when it was time, I stepped out under the lights. Even now I can’t tell you why because I was determined, right up till my foot stepped forward, that I was NOT going out there.

We all go through changes in life. Often those changes barely go unnoticed because they are so subtle. Each one adds up and slowly, over time, our experiences change us and evolve us into who we are in the next moment. There are also times, however few in a person’s life, where the soul is catapulted through massive growth resulting from super impactful trauma or other event. These are the moments that scar us or burn into our memories forever.

I did not fail. In fact, it was the most spiritual experience of my life. When that show was over and I found some space to be alone with my overwhelming emotions, I was moved to tears. It was one of those moments that prove to be life changing in an instant.

Of course, each piece of theatre and film that I participated in after that paled in comparison, I always found myself chasing that theatre dragon. It wasn’t enough to act anymore. Don’t get me wrong, every moment was magical. But that feeling of soul exploding growth was never quite the same.

And then I discovered directing…

Theatre has taught me so much about myself and the world. For example, I’m not afraid that the audience will see through me anymore. They see through me every time something I’ve directed hits the stage and every time I perform. They see through me because I have grown comfortable with personal vulnerability, honesty through storytelling, growth through risk.

NOTHING is more true of this than the experience of directing and collaborating on a one man show.

You see, addiction is just that common. It hides around every corner and touches us especially when we are blind to it. Sometimes it even works FOR us. I’m addicted to theatre. It has been progressive. I sacrifice so much to continue to explore the world, and all of you in it, through an art form that constantly forces me to bear my soul live and unplugged without a safety net.

All of us involved in bringing the story of Addicted to life have the disease of theatre addiction. It’s what is fuelling the process and what will make this comedy of substance powerful enough to touch YOUR life too.

Open up… Let it in… but most importantly, BUY A TICKET!